Her Deepest, Darkest Desire

There’s a story the late Gary Halbert used to tell. Goes something like this:

A beautiful women shows up at a Manhattan cocktail party in the mid 1980s. All the eligible bachelors notice. They all want to leave with her on their arm.

The first one to try is a successful businessman. He brags about his cars, his yacht and second home in the south of France. He shows her his Rolex and a wad of cash.

But she’s not interested.

The second bachelor – a famous author – tries to impress her with his wit and verve and raw intelligence.

But that’s not what she’s looking for.

The next fellow isn’t rich. Nor smart. But he does have raw good looks… big muscles, chiseled jaw line and a perfect tan. A ‘10’ in every physical sense.

But that doesn’t float her boat either.

Throughout all these exchanges is an awkward man in the corner. He’s not wealthy. He’s not witty. Some would call him ugly.

But he knows something the other three gentlemen don’t.

He walks over to the woman and whispers something in her ear. Not much more than a sentence or two.

She says, “Okay. Let’s go!”

And away they go.

Most would ask, what did he say?

But that’s the wrong question. What you should be asking is,

What did he know that the others didn’t?

That knowledge is what got him the girl. He knew what she truly wanted in that moment – her “secret desire.”

More than money, or brains or raw animalistic attraction.

In Gary’s telling, that secret desire was cocaine. The awkward man was a drug dealer and could see she was a customer.

All he had to suggest was her next fix and away they went.

And I’ll admit, it’s a pretty crass story. Addiction is no laughing matter.

But it still makes a powerful point.

The vast majority of our decisions are driven by impulses. Sometimes they are very deep and other times they sit just below the surface.

In the case of physical addiction, it’s pretty obvious to those in the know.

For the rest of us, that secret desire is an unmet emotional need or the solution to a painful problem.

We might be aware of it. We might be blind it. Or we might be afraid to acknowledge it at all.

But it’s there.

If you want to sell more, you need to figure out how your product taps into this secret desire.

And then you present it in a way your prospect will recognize (or acknowledge)… and feel compelled to act upon.

Do this and the features of your product will become secondary.

No one cares what the thing does. They only care about how it makes them feel.